What Is A Zen-emy?
Everyone knows what an enemy is, and you may even have a frenemy or two; but what exactly is a Zen-emy? At first I
thought I had coined a new word, but apparently no, I did not, although my definition is slightly different from what is listed in The Urban Dictionary: Someone who, at first, appears to be your mortal enemy, but really teaches you a valuable lesson about yourself.
One of these days, you WILL see one of my made up words or phrases go viral! Just wait!
My definition goes something like this: Someone who irritates the ever-lovin’ snot out of you but causes you to reflect on yourself, your actions, your thoughts and your feelings. Someone who forces you to rise above and ignore their pettiness and just chill.
We all have at least one. One person who has either hurt us incredibly or who makes it their life mission to annoy, harass and piss us off. Ordinarily, it is someone we were once very close to, but in some cases it is just someone you are forced to interact with who you feel you could literally strangle…if only it were legal.
Tip Number One: Know Yourself
It’s time to take stock of yourself and your actions and words that may have led to the falling out, and what may still be contributing to the tension. Be honest with yourself. Have you lashed out in anger? Put a snide comment in your status message? Made a cryptic, yet obvious to your enemy remark on a thread? Spread your personal story around to others?
While it may seem like a great way to vent, it is not endearing, and only makes you look vindictive. Others may see these kinds of things as hateful and people may end up avoiding you because you can’t seem to keep your private business….well…private.
Truly consider how using these tactics makes you feel. Do they really make you feel good? Realllllyyyyy?? Examine your state of mind and emotion in the moment. Are you feeling happy, or are you feeling vindictive and mean? Seriously…think about it. Don’t examine what it will feel like to the other person…who cares, after all? They’re a jerk. Truly look at how you are feeling and how you are thinking. Do you like who are you are in that moment, or are you better than that?
Tip Number Two: Give Yourself Some Breathing Room
Literally…take a breath or two or three; nice, cleansing, deep ones….you know the drill: in through your nose, out through your mouth. Take a minute, or more if necessary, to calm your mind as well as your body. When just the thought of that idiot makes you want to slap someone, take a moment to reflect on why you are feeling so disturbed.
Take notice of your breathing, your heart rate, the surge of adrenaline, the flush of your face. Does this feel good and natural to you? Of course not! You are not a bitter, angry, miserable person, and you should never feel like one. Get up and work off the steam. Do something silly. Play with your children. Weather permitting, take a nice long walk outdoors! Find your significant other and make crazy monkey love! Whatever it takes…just do something to snap yourself out of the fog of seething anger.
Just take some time to chill out and normalize. The other person will still be a complete snotwad, but while they are stewing in their own steaming pot of snotness, you will be happy and content.
Tip Number Three: Distract Yourself
This ties in nicely to tip number 2 above. If getting physical is out of the question, then do something cerebral. Head over to our Pinterest page and check out some of the quotes or cute animals there. Go to YouTube and watch a bunch of videos of laughing babies (trust me…you can’t help but smile). Go listen to some of your friends on SingSnap and devote yourself to the moment of listening. Really listen and leave something positive behind. Sing a song yourself, but make it a light hearted, fun one. Nothing angry or bitter or vindictive. The point is to take your mind OFF your nemesis.
Tip Number Four: Put Yourself In Their Shoes
Ok, this might be a little more difficult because no one wants to walk in a troll’s shoes, but give it a try and see if it might not make you feel better about yourself. Think about what it is that might be making them so miserable and mean. Do they have a bad marriage? Does their boss rag on them constantly? Do they have a medical condition that is painful or debilitating to the point that they just lash out in pain? Are they worried about one or more of their kids, their parents, their friends? What is the pain in their life causing them to be the way they are? Is it you?
You may not ever know the real reason, but speculating on the possible causes will help you empathize with them better and maybe make you feel a little sorry for them and forgive them for being so rude and nasty. The next time they raise their nasty little heads, maybe…just maybe, you will look at their words or actions a little differently and with a new perspective.
Tip Number Five: When All Else Fails
Living well despite the bad wishes of others will always be the sweetest revenge. Lead your life with joy and contentment showing the snotrag in your life that his or her behavior, actions, words mean absolutely nothing to you. You don’t have to say or do anything…just be you and be the best, happiest you that you can be.
Rise above and take pride in knowing that you have dignity and pride in your ability to take the high road. Others will admire your strength of character and you won’t be mired down in misery and anger.
You now have a Zen-emy as opposed to an enemy. You don’t have to like them, you don’t have to change them, you don’t have to get back at them. They exist, and there’s nothing you can do to change that short of action that may get you the electric chair.
Your Zen-emy won’t know what hit them. One minute you are duking it out all over the internet (or in some cases…real life), and the next, you can’t be bothered. It will throw them for a loop and maybe get them to evaluate their own snotburgerness. (Come on….THAT one has GOT to go viral!)